like, huh?

There is what I would consider a dumbfounding illness that is afflicting women. It’s been happening for a few years now. No one knows where it began, how it spread, or how to eradicate it. What is this swift moving illness you ask? Well, I’ll tell you – it is an illness that effects one’s voice. It causes the bimbo voice or what I like to refer to as the question? voice? And it’s irritating as hell.

How this affliction works is it makes every sentence spoken sound like a question. Whole soliloquies can be spoken that leave the listener wondering, was that a question? Should I nod my head in agreement or disagreement? Should I respond here??

I first noticed this strange thing a few years back. I remember it clearly, or should I say I recall hearing it clearly. I was downtown purchasing a scarf. I stood at the cash desk as the clerk rang in my purchase. As she handed me my receipt and scarf, she cocked her head to one side and all wide eyed and perky said to me,
“If you need to return this (?), you have to make sure you have the receipt (?) because if you don’t (?) you won’t be able to (?)”.
Now to grasp the whole magnitude of having to hear someone speak like this, you have to read that sentence with a wide eyed expression and say it with a slight valley girl, drawn out twang. At any pause or end of your sentence your voice needs to go up an octive at the end as if you’re asking a question, but you’re not; you’re only making a statement. Call me; I’ll do an impression for you.
I so wanted to respond to her by saying,
“you mean (?) if I don’t have a receipt (?) like I can’t return it (?), oh that’s not good (?)”.
Now if you are a regular reader of Beebitter, and I know there are at least 2 of you out there, you may know that I love to mimic voices, especially strange ones. But I held my tongue, and instead stared at her with a look that must have said, did I hear what I think I just heard look on my face, at least I imagine I did. After I recovered and shook my head back to reality, I said thanks, and walked out of the store with my sister. As we were safely outside, my sister and I looked at each with the expressions that read, was that for real? We were both slightly shocked but amused and it didn’t stop me from imitating this girl for the rest of the day, and even now!

But like I said, this affliction has now spread! It seems not only to have infected a majority of women in their 20’s, but is now infecting women in their 30’s and even 40’s! You can hear it everywhere! As you walk down the street and 2 young things talking to each other on their cell phones pass you, as you sit in a restaurant, in every retail store on Robson Street! How do we stop this??? That by the way was an actual question.

Is RuPaul correct in saying the other day as he was hen pecked by the women of The View that the era of the Bimbo is gone? I would have to disagree with him and he himself would have to agree with me if he heard these women try to speak! The bimbo voice/question? voice exists in full force in these young women. I’m not necessary saying these women are bimbos, but they sound, well, stupid! But I am sure these are intelligent, well educated women who may one day, quite possibly be the future leaders, CEO’s, power women of the world! All of a sudden Sarah Palin comes to mind. yikes! And like can you imagine (?) like what a conversation (?) between 2 of these future power bitches (?) would like, sound like (?). Because, I think like (?) I would be glad (?) that when that day arrives (?) I’ll be like old (?) and my hearing will be like gone (?) cause like, I would like, kill myself (?) or pour hot oil into my eardrums!

Join me in finding a cure! Just don’t ask me any questions about how to do it (?)