A Day in the Life of a Semi-Hypochondriac trying to Survive Living in the Time of Covid-19

I haven't actually been out and about in the just-before-it's-gonna-be-bad world we used to know since March 17th, 2020. We were already given the option to work from home that week, and that day I had a Doctor's appointment and would head into work for a few hours after that. On the way home I stopped off at a few grocers to stock up on some items before I hunkered down to what I already believed would be a long few weeks. I had already stocked piled a few essentials, yes of course toilet paper which my sister made fun of me for doing until she needed some. But the one thing I didn't think about was coffee. My sister managed to purchase a bag a week ago, but we're running low. My other sister, the "I believe in Aliens and moon charts" one gave me a astrological based warning today, " don't leave the house from March 29th to April 7th". "Why?" I asked. "3 planets are aligned... last time it happened was in 1918...Spanish flu... just don't". So as you read from the title of my post, semi hypochondriac, I'm going to listen. Why mess with the planets? So I won't go out but I will run out of coffee by Monday??? So, what are you going to do? You got to go out and get that coffee! Believe me, the thought of heading out was giving me anxiety. I've been out for walks around my neighborhood but avoid people like the plague (pun intended). Avoiding people on the street is easy- you just cross the street. But how do you avoid them in a store? Currently December 3rd,2021. Figured out how to get back on this site! Wow. I wrote the above 2 paragraphs March 28th, 2020 at the start of the pandemic. Remember those days when we thought it would be over in just a few weeks? Now, 21 months later, "covid life" is the new normal. Its been an interesting time hasn't it? Hope you are all doing well and surviving.

2011- happy new year

Wow. It's been a while since I last wrote. I guess I haven't had much to say!

A new year has begun and like all the years before this, I have the same resolutions that I'm too lazy to do anything about. But, this year I am a little more determined to take on the list I've been carrying around and go about crossing some of them off.

I have the same new years resolutions, year in ,year out:

get a life
lose weight
be more creative
love my job
stop hating my job
get a new job

Haha. Get a life. Perhaps a new life. A life I enjoy. Enjoy more. Who knows? How does one go about doing this? Perhaps starting with a few of the other items on the list?

Lose weight. When I can no longer see my toes, I think I'll have to lose weight. Watching shows like the Biggest Loser, Heavy are so inspirational. The people on the show can lose so much weight. But who really has the time to work that hard!!?? I should just stop watching and doing. I have started running again, for the past 3 months. My sisters say I've lost weight but I weigh exactly the same as I did 3 months ago!! How does that work? Maybe I should stop eating the potato chips and chocolate??

Love my job. I've never, ever liked any of my jobs. Okay, not entirely true. I've liked aspects of my jobs. Like leaving at the end of the day. Pay day. Sick day. Holidays. I'm envious of people who love their jobs! What is wrong with them? How? Why??

Stop hating my job. I enjoy hating my job. I do it very well. The whining , the bitching, the constant griping with the co-workers. This is actually an aspect of the job i do enjoy!

Get a new job. A new job doing what? Perhaps one where I can complain and get paid for it? I am good at that.

Be more creative. Writing this blog is creative, even if no one reads it! Hey, it's a start! If I can keep this up, that's a creative thing! woo hoo!

So tackling this blog again is my first start. Thanks for that one reader out there who may or may not support my efforts! haha.

I LOVE CHOCOLATE

As the title states, I LOVE CHOCOLATE! I'm so grateful I'm not allergic to it like my poor sister is! I'm allergic to alot of things though - work, haha. But good things too like fruits - apples, pears, plums, peaches, nectarines, cherries. Nuts- almonds, walnuts, pecans, hazelnuts. Some of those I don't mind not being able to eat anymore, but others, like an apple. I miss them. You really don't know what you're missing until it's gone. Imagine, which is all I can do now, biting into a crisp, cold, red apple... that combination of sweet and tart. That delicious fragrance that fills your nose.

I lament about the past 20 years of not being able to indulge in that forbidden fruit. But dang! I'm not allergic to chocolate,and thank the Lord for that, hehe! It's Easter! A time of year of course made for chocolate. Yes, it is also a time when Christians all over the world recognize Jesus' sacrifice, giving up his life so that we can have everlasting life. Yeah, yeah, but it's also the time of year to celebrate all those bunnies, and chicks and eggs, and springtime, and CHOCOLATE!! What do eggs, bunnies etc have to do with Christ's death? Well nothing. But like all major holidays, Christian and pagan rituals were mixed together over the centuries so that today we can have a long weekend and a reason to buy more chocolate!

This time of year brings out the best of the best- Cadbury mini eggs. You used to only be able to get them at Easter, but now they bring them out for other occasions, like Christmas. I have already devoured a few bags before this weekend. My birthday falls upon this time of year, and when I was young, I would often get a chocolate bunny. I used to associate my birthday with bunnies. These days I buy more own chocolate and lately I've been consuming too many of Cadbury Assorted Mini Eggs. This amazing bag of goodness consists of eggs, all in mini form, the original cream egg, caramilk eggs, and milk and dark chocolate eggs. You put the bag in the freezer for a few hours and when they're nice and cold, you pop them in your mouth (only after you've removed the foil wrap and disposed of the evidence). mmmm... the only way to enjoy them.

I know, some of you snobs out there are thinking, Cadbury? Really? Not the bestest chocolate in the world. But really, isn't Easter the time of year for the cheapo chocolates?? Think back when you were a kid and you were lucky enough that your parents shelled out a few bucks for one of those bag-o-choco-bunny, the one with only .1% cocoa and 99.9% wax and other stuffs. You didn't care, you loved it! That's what Easter chocolate was all about! Am I right? I'm having one of those moments when I'm feeling sorry for inanimate things like cheapo choco bunnies. They can't help it that they're made of cheapo stuffs!

So go out there and support this holiday. Buy those mini eggs, and give those bunnies the home they deserve. There's nothing sadder than seeing those bunnies in the $.99 bin, but you can sure buy alot of them. Go buy your cheapo bunny- it needs you!

Lists (less)

After taking a break from doing tours at my volunteer gig, I was back at it last weekend. At the end of the first tour, I chatted with a lady and asked her where she was visiting from. She and her 2 friends were from Surrey, BC that is. She explained to me that visiting the garden was on her bucket list. (side note: The Dr. Sun Yat Sen Classical Chinese Garden is listed in a book called "1000 places to see and do Before you Die")
"Bucket list", I said. "You're too young to have a bucket list!" I asked what some of her other to do items were on her list. She was going skydiving with her son this summer! Wow! Something I want to do too, one day. One of her friends showed me her list. She had about 30 items on it - I felt like I was invading her person space but she was happy to share. One of the items was to drink wine in Italy and another was, date a younger man. I've done both - yes, 1 1/2 years is still younger and drinking wine at an Italian villa in Tuscany was surreal. I only wish there was some hot younger guy(Trevor Linden) with me that day and I could have died happy then, but I digress.
I thought it was great that these ladies were determined to do what was on their lists. The other friend said that they're combined ages were 160, and one of them was not 100! So they weren't old, thus I questioned the "bucket list". Unless of course they were all terminally ill, which I hope they weren't!!

I have and make lists all the time. I have a list I call my "Dances with Wolves list". This is for movies that I'm sure are really great movies, like Dances with Wolves, but I just don't have any desire, at least not today, to see them. There's also the "Wish I could get back those 2 hours plus of my life wasted on watching crap movies list", which contains any tv movie that stars a hasbeen tv "star", ie Tory Spelling, Heather Locklear, Jack Wagner etc, in it. Yes, I can get sucked into wasting time on these cinematic gems, but refuse to spend 3 hours watching Dances with Wolves! This list also contains Eyes Wide Shut. WTF was that about ? Again 3 hours of that garbage but still, haven't even seen Terms of Endearment, another movie I hear is great.

I have a new years resolution list that is the same year in, year out. I just bring it out each January and just change the year at the top. One day, I'll cross some of those items off!

There is a website called 43things were you list your bucket list, so to speak. Things you really want to do. It shows you how many other people around the world who may be aiming for similar goals. Members could mark items off that they've completed and they can even cheer others on to make these goals/dreams a reality, motivate you. I have made lists on this site at least 3 times, having forgotten my passwords. So much for motivation.

But, I did say to myself that this was going to be a year of change, and those 3 broads have inspired me to really start to think about what it is I want out of life. I guess you are never to young to start your bucket list. Why should we wait until death stares us in the face to motivate us to do all those things we always wanted to do but were too afraid, didn't have time or put off for when we retire, presumably when we're too old and frail and can't even remember what it was we wanted to do!?

So, here goes. My partial " Bucket List" or "things I really want in life and I'm sure I'll get if I just apply the secrets from "the Secret" -

1) sell a Lisa made painting to someone I don't know and maybe make a enough money to buy a coffee!
2) learn how to read music again and play the guitar
3) visit Peru and Macchu Piccu , but not during the rainy season
4) visit Costa Rica and help baby turtles make it to the sea
5) wear a bikini with confidence, say somewhere on the French Riviera, and not look like a beached a whale - ie : not be one of those celebrity TMZ shots that say " she's like us, she has cellulite too!"
6) actually visit the Louvre and enjoy it instead of standing behind a 10 deep crowd of tourists in front of the Mona Lisa and not being able to appreciate it and having to get a really tall guy who was from Calgary, (saw the canadian flag) to take a picture of it so I can have a look at it after the photos were developed when I got home a month later. whew.
7) visit Ireland, London, Beijing, Hong Kong, Macau, Melbourne, Paris, Prague, Moscow, Cairo, India, Peru. I've only been to a few of those place but would love to visit again.
8) to enjoy and effortless do downward facing dog without mumbling to myself " why am I subjecting myself to this torture?"
9) to visit a country in South American and a nation in Africa so I could say I've been to someplace on all 7 continents. Well, except Antarctica. I really don't want to go there! so 6 continents!
10) take a train ride across Canada and see this beautiful country but not before I try the sky trains, Millenium line, Canada line and that other one first!
11) dip my right big toe, and only my right big toe into the atlantic ocean.
12) I've never been to Vegas, baby! And perhaps this should be on a different list because I don't think on my death bed I'll regret never having been. Or will I?
13) win a lottery. Hey, somebody has to win. It'll probably be when I'm 78, old, and living in my van down by the river. "the secret"!
14) to marry Trevor Linden. Yes, this could happen.
15) to have his kids. This could happen too!

I guess this list could go on forever. So I better get started now and I'm starting on the marry Trevor Linden. So, Trevor, what have you been tweeting about lately? I'll find you! In the words of the Debbie Harry, while she was still with Blondie, "One way, or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna, getcha !"
OOh, perhaps I should add one more item too my list:

16)to become a stalker in the truest sense! haha. I kid, really.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to the few readers I've got out there! It's been a while since I've written. I am feeling a little better from the last time I posted. I realize that I do not have a fear of flying! That's a good thing. But I do have anxiety!

So, another year is upon us, in fact the start of a new decade. Yikes! I plan to not make any resolutions per se seeing as they are the same year in, year out! Instead, I will try to live in the now, the present moment, not spend so much energy worrying about what has happened already or may happen in the future. You just can't really control those kinds of things, so why worry about it?

I'm going to concentrate on my health rather than worrying that I am sick. And the big thing, figure out what I want to do when I grow up!

Sorry, not much else happening here. I don't want to write too much about my trip as it was not the most exciting- I was too drugged out from lack of sleep to enjoy it. :( but no poor me. I did get a photo with a sleepy koala! visited with my cousin and of course got to see my sister and brother in law in their natural habitat!

so long for now! My next post will be more uplifting, okay?? buh bye!

High Anxiety - tale of woe

Have you ever had an anxiety or panic attack?? No? Well be glad. They can come from nowhere. You can be standing in line at Winners, and all of a sudden you feel dizzy, like you're about to faint, you need water and you have to get out of the store NOW! Or you're driving along, a route you always take, you stop at a light and BAM! all of a sudden you are overwhelmed, you feel trapped. you have to get out of the car, or damn traffic move! panic!!!!

I've realized that these little episodes i've had over the past year have now become a bit of a problem. I avoid that usual route to work, bridges are a bit of an ordeal. i avoid shopping and supermarkets. But in a few short days, I board a plane, the doors will close and I will be in that plane for 15 hours and god help me. I've been working hard for the whole past 2- 3 weeks to try to overcome this new "fear" I have developed - perhaps I should have started earlier? Forcing myself to take that route, drive over that bridge, get to that supermarket all in hopes that that panic feel will hit and i can use the methods i've read to overcome this. I've been googleing all kinds of anxiety sites, fear of flying sites, anything to help me overcome this.
This will be my third time heading to Sydney, and although i had those moments of claustrophobia, I always managed to make it through that flight. So what's my problem you ask? Well basically it's the fear that i may have one of these panic/anxiety attacks on the plane! But i can't worry about something I can't control. If you can't control it, why worry, right? Easier said then done. And there's "live in the present". sigh.

I can only hope that my mind will go "click" and that flight or fight response that seems to have been switched on high for the past 3 weeks will finally turn off!!! Bottom line, I create the anxiety and I'm the only one who can do something about it.

thanks for reading. I hope that my vacation will bring to life a more positive bee bitter, so i can post some amusing tales! thanks for all the support. the picture is of PUffy, the puffer fish from the aquarium.

bitter has returned!

I think I have finally found something to be truly bitter about. My health or my current poor health. What's the saying, if you don't have you're health,blah blah blah. So totally true. Just to be bitter I'm going to blame it on work. Yes, I know it can be a number of factors but I'm going to say work and I can trace it back.

It started back in late June 2008. What seemed like a minor bump to the side of my head, turned into months of misery, well with a few good concerts thrown in. I bumped into a pipe, plumbing type that for some reason some dumbass felt it would add some interest to the office in the form of a clothes rack hanging down from the ceiling. Perhaps not put it at eye level especially when most of the losers working there are my height or shorter. Like I said, the bump seemed fairly harmless except later in the day I started feeling nauseous. I ended up missing the next day at work, but only the one day. It was a busy time so I had alot of work. But the feeling that my head was in vice continued for almost 2 months. So basically those beautiful summer months of July and August were spent in doors, mainly from lack of energy, not wanting to cause any further injury, shunning any fun. I did nothing really, no roller blading, fireworks, outings, except for a concert or two I had to go to. I call 2008 my 80's revival /hasbeen year of concerts.
I started feeling better but by october I was hit with panic attacks. I had no idea what was going on - why was this happening. The first happened when I was in line at a Winners store. It happened while I was driving to work and stuck it traffic - so bad I almost wanted to drive off the road on to the sidewalk just to get out of the situation. They still continue today but I have learned to control that urge to escape sort of. But a month ago I bumped my head again. Again did not think much of it, bumped it on the freezer door. But the next day I felt awful and ended up taking 3 days off work. Slowly I started feeling better, and was able to get in some slow walks. I used to be such a fast walker, now i'm lucky if I'm going faster than a mile an hour. But last Thursday the started fixing the roof at work. 8 hours of banging, scraping, horrible, like having a bowing alley on top of my head. I started feeling nauseous again. So I took Friday off and sat at home trying not to vomit. Did the same yesterday too. And here I sit today, trying not to feel sorry for myself that I've missed another beautiful fall day sitting at home trying not to be bitter and trying to get over this awful feeling.

In the words of Yoda, BITTER, I AM!

But I hope my health returns and that I'm up and about again enjoying both sunshine and rain! I'll take anything now just to have a day when I feel like myself again, which well would be bitter.